“When people believe diminished physical contact is an automatic sign that the relationship is in trouble, and they feel too guilty or ashamed to talk about that, it makes sense that they may idealize a connection or affair with someone else as better or more pleasurable,” Jacobs says. "Instead of inquiring and learning something new about our partner and ourselves, most people romanticize the ‘early days’ as the ideal." “Unfortunately, we don’t talk about this often, and the silence leads men and women, gay and straight, to internalize a sense of failure when they no longer sexually hungerfor the partner they love." In reality, not wanting to jump your partner's bones 24/7 after a few months (or years) of being together is totally normal. “This is simply a fact of life,” Jacobs says. We Refuse to Admit It's Normal to Crave Someone New
"Society does little to reinforce and validate working together on a connection when thing are difficult.” RELATED: How to Have a Fight with Your Partner That Doesn't Cause Hurt Feelingsģ.
"A healthy, sustainable relationship would not make a good reality TV show," says Jacobs. That's because the actual day-to-day work that goes into a long-term relationship usually isn't very interesting. "Once the high is over, so is the relationship for some folks." "Rarely in arts or entertainment do we ever see what happens after the credits role or how they sustain a meaningful connection year after year.”
“Then, at the end of the movie they find their way together, they embrace, and the credits roll," he says. Most romantic movies tell a story about a man and a woman overcoming some kind of obstacle to be together. As a result, Jacobs says, “Once the high is over, so is the relationship for some folks.” RELATED: 7 Times in a Relationship When Jealousy Is Totally Warranted “These are natural hormones that lead to a feeling of happiness and euphoria.” We sometimes confuse these chemical feelings for authentic connections. "In the early stages of falling for someone, your brain is releasing certain chemicals including dopamine, adrenaline, epinephrine, and norepinephrine,” says Jacobs.
Jacobs says there are five main reasons why people hop from relationship to relationship in an endless quest to maintain that new-relationship buzz: Jacobs, licensed marriage and family therapist, and author of Rational Relating: The Smart Way to Stay Sane in the Crazy World of Love.
“For many people the pursuit of the chase is more enticing and rewarding that the actual relationship itself,” says relationship expert Damon L. (Or one sexual orientation, for that matter.) And it certainly isn’t uncommon. In the land of rom-coms that rely on gender-based stereotypes, it’s common to see portrayals of men who are “in love with the chase” and uninterested in being wrangled by women who just want them to commit.īut craving newness and excitement-or experiencing relationship FOMO once the initial heat cools to a simmer-isn’t limited to one gender.